How Poly Saved Me

Ever since last Friday, I've been constantly thinking about how amazing my Poly life has been and how much it has changed me.

For the last 11 years, I was always the weird kid that sat by herself and had basically next to no friends. I had one or two but usually they were not very nice to me and they often walked all over me. In fact, for two years, I skipped recess everyday because I couldn't face the canteen by myself. I would sit in my empty classroom , starving, and I would read or write in my diary.

I was bullied for a very long time as well. It started all the way in kindergarten in fact. I don't know which years were the worst in my life actually. Was in in primary 1 when I was threatened to give money to a girl who claimed to be my friend but would still bully me mercilessly? Was it in primary 2 when the same girl and another who was in primary 1 opened the school bus windows and screamed out that I was a camel all while I sat right there in tears? Might I add that as this girl was screaming that I was a camel out the window, she was also whispering in my ear that she was still my friend? Or maybe it was the time when they teamed up to put glue in my hair.

Or maybe it was the time when for no reason except jealousy, I was tormented by a bunch of Indian girls. They said they wanted me dead. They hated me. They would call me names and talk bad about me in Tamil all while I sat there right in front of them, not comprehending anything. All while my 'best friend' (who understood Tamil) would tell me that they were saying nice things to me without standing up for me in the slightest. And why were they jealous? I learned later that it was solely because I excelled in English and Literature and I was constantly being praised for my work.

All that changed when I finally was done with school and I came to Poly. I was blessed with a class of amazing, inclusive people as well as 5 wonderful, amazing, awesome friends who for the first time in my life, understood me.

I thought I was the  only one who read nerdy books and fangirled a whole lot. Turns out that wasn't true. I met two friends who I can talk books with. Just yesterday I sat next to one of my friends and we both had e books open on our laptops and for a few hours, we just sat there in companionable silence, both of us utterly absorbed in our books.

I never thought that I would meet people who cared so much about getting things done well before the deadline and who were punctual and who always brought 100% to our group meetings until I came to Poly. (That behaviour was simply deemed annoying when I was in secondary school). My 5 friends, who are also my group mates, are so on fire and we are always ahead because each of us understands how the other works and we work super well together.

So yes. Basically I've run out of words for now. There was a lot on my mind today and I needed to get it all out. You know that feeling when you say everything and then even if what you've written is incomplete, it's all the words you have and nothing you do can make more words appear? Yeah.

 I'm exhausted from all my projects and I'm stressed about my radio assignments. I don't have anymore words tonight. 

Ugly

For about a year and a half I have been the proud owner of a Vampire Diaries fan page on Instagram. It's called Obsessedwithvamps and as of today I have 5.5K+ followers. I love my account. I have made so many great friends through it and I have learnt and improved so much in my editing. I'm very proud of what I have achieved with Obsessedwithvamps.

I regularly check back with my followers to get their feedback on my account. I do this because I truly value what my followers think about my account and I do want to make my account better. I always aim to make my account better. Till today, all I have ever received has been positive feedback. People love my account and my edits. Besides the occasionally negative comment or fight, I have never received anything that was intentionally nasty (well except for the people that start fights with me).

Last night, I posted a shoutout for my brother. I promised a shoutout in return for following him which I do often and I usually return as many as I possibly can. After posting, I fell asleep. I woke up to a conversation on the picture saying that it was a scam and someone said that I was lame and that they thought I was better then that. Immediately I returned the shoutout. I tagged the person in the shoutout and replied to her saying that I do return shout outs and that I simply fell asleep. She replied an hour later saying, 'I didn't get a notification about a shout out. You're sneaky.' etc. I replied saying that I left her shoutout up for 10 minutes like I do for all shout outs and then took it down. It was there. Is it my fault that she didn't see? She didn't reply.

When I got back from school, I decided to make a video to clarify the fact that as far as possible, I try to not scam and to always return shout outs. I posted it and within minutes I had three people commenting. This is what these lovelies said:

I was so touched because I didn't ask them to comment anything nice. I simply posted a video. So I was really happy. And then, someone commented,

'Your ugly'. That was her exact comment (yes it was grammatically wrong). 

I saw it and immediately the fact that 3 people just called me pretty and perfect ceased to matter. All that mattered was this one comment. I instantly replied saying that she was being rude. A few minutes later, two followers jumped to my defence as well. The person didn't reply. I took down the video.

 I was hurt but I was having lunch and watching 'Revenge' at that time so I ignored it. Later that afternoon, after doing some school work, I was surfing the net and I just paused. I stopped and this person's comment came back to me. The word UGLY kept repeating in my mind for a minute or two. I realised that this person's comment had affected me quite a bit. 

I struggle a lot with how I see myself and how I feel about my body. I did not need this comment.

 I did not write this post because I wanted sympathy. One comment is nothing. I know that and I'm not going to cry myself to sleep because of it.

I wrote this post because of how easy it was for this person to pass a two word comment like that and how much  it upset me. Imagine 2 of these kinds of comments? 200? 2000?  That what cyber bully victims go through. I finally understand how someone can take their life based on cyber bullying. If that one comment hurt me enough for me to take time out of my day to reflect on it, imagine what a cyber bully victim goes through.

My point is to be careful what you say on the Internet. Don't pass nasty comments just for the sake of doing it. It hurts. It really does. It's so easy to post two words. It's also so easy to bring someone down.  "You're pretty", 'You're ugly". Be careful. Be kind.