What Would You Like To Change About Yourself?

Hello readers! Today's topic is pretty heavy. I just wrote an entire paragraph and deleted it if you care to know. I'm not all about publishing a perfectly altered post that shows you just how wonderful my life is only. I'll tell you guys if things aren't so right.

So today I felt really terrible. My day was pretty crappy. So at about 12pm, I decided to get iOS 8.2 installed into my phone. Worst decision ever. Long story short, my phone spazzed out and I had to restore the phone to factory settings. By 4pm, I could use my phone again but all my apps had been wiped out and my data as of now has slowly been trickling back in so I'm grateful for that.

I'm most likely going to pick my dad up from the airport tomorrow. He's on a plane from South Africa to Singapore right now and I'm so excited for him to be back. He's been gone 10 days. He's also landing in like 8 hours which means I'm getting up at 4.30am most likely. Jeez. 

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So what would I like to change about myself? Perhaps I would like to care more about how I look. I mean I care that I look presentable and sometimes girly but usually I'm just a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I think I would like to care more about make up, dressing up and all the other frivolous things that every single other girl seems to care about except me.

I would also like to change one aspect of my personality. I'm pretty introverted and I prefer to chill at home then with my friends. I would like to change that. I would like to be more out-going and to like to go out more often. That's not saying that I don't like being an introvert though. Sometimes when I watch vlogs and things like that, I crave friendship. But majority of the time I'm also happy being by myself and not having to worry what everyone else thinks of me. I guess that's the problem. I fear being judged so much that I question everything I do and say and I stop having fun.

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Anyway, short post tonight because I have to be up in less then 6 hours. Hmm...See you on the other side! 

The 5 Little Things That Make Me Happy

Recently I discovered a couple of simple things that actually make me happy. I guess they were there always but I only just acknowledged them.

1) Eating Whipped Cream 

I am in love with whipped cream. I know it's super fattening and unhealthy but I love it. I think a little whipped cream treat once in a while isn't the worst thing in the world. I love licking the whipped cream with chocolate sauce off the top of my chocolate drinks. I don't know. It just makes me happy. Maybe it's the sugar.

2) Starbucks

I am in love with the Chocolate Chip Cream Frapps (with whipped cream of course). I guess it is again the sugar but I do feel great after having one. Recently, I told my dad that Starbucks makes me happy and he took my Starbucks card and topped it up for me. I was so touched. Yes yes. I know. I'm not a brat. I'm just blessed to have loving parents. Anyway, I don't live that close to a Starbucks so it's a treat I allow myself only once in a while.

3) Waking Up

Let me clarify. Sometimes, especially on days when I have nothing to do, I like to wake up at like 5.30am or something and just hang out with my family. My dad and brother would be getting ready to leave for work and school and I would just be walking around the house with them as they got ready and I would talk to them. My mom would usually be up too and  she will make breakfast for me. I then like to just watch TV. I never watch TV anymore. I watch a lot of TV on my laptop but I rarely sit in front of the TV. So I'll just watch cartoons or anything that's on really in my pyjamas and sometimes I fall asleep again. It's just really nice.

4) That Moment Before You Fall Asleep

My favourite time of the day is when I shut down all my gadgets for the day and I just curl up in bed and wait for sleep to take me. Usually to fall asleep, I'll tell myself a story. This is highly personal but I usually imagine my perfect life with the people that will hopefully one day be in my life. That is my absolute favourite thing to do. When I'm cosy and warm and just being my perfect future self.

5) The Rain

I really love the rain. It's my favourite weather ever. The best is night/early morning rain. I love cold weather so much and I love it when the sky is dark and its so windy that the trees are moving. I love being able to sit in my room with a sweater on. It's so cosy and nice. Sweater weather is just perfect always.

Sleep

When I think of sleep, I think of a large body of water. Well, for me, I think mainly of the sea.

I imagine that when we lay down to sleep, we are floating on the surface. As we slowly fall asleep, we sink lower and lower into the water.

Finally, when we are in our deepest sleep, we find that we are underwater. 

As we wake up, we slowly rise to the surface and we finally break through and find that we are awake.

I had a nightmare last night and for the past few days, I have not been sleeping well. That's made me a little sick and I've been kind of out of it. I hate this feeling. It's like I can never sink deep enough even though I'm so tired. Somehow, I keep floating near the surface. Stuck in the middle.

Lately, my dreams and nightmares have been so vivid. I can actually remember small details from them. I don't know why. 

Last night especially was pretty bad. My nightmare started out good. It actually started very good. I could remember feeling so safe and happy. Then things started to go south. 

Next thing I knew, I was barefoot and running through the woods. I was being chased by a wolf and I was running alongside a train. I was trying to get on the train but it was too fast. There was someone else with me. She was screaming at me to run faster. 

One of the things I'm most afraid of is being chased. Well, that and loud noises. I don't know why. It's just that feeling of fear and panic I guess. Anyway, that was my dream. It was vivid and it scared me a lot. That may be why I'm feeling so tired but I don't know. 

I guess that's what made me feel the need to put everything into words. I love dreaming. Dreaming is a way to escape reality. But when that turns against you, sometimes, your peaceful descent can turn into you struggling in the water. Half in, half out. When you can't breathe or do anything but thrash around forming soundless screams. 

Or maybe I'm just being too dramatic. Oh well.