|First Day Outfit|
1) This was my first week of Year 2! It's been interesting so far I suppose. My timetable is absolutely crappy. I've got early classes every day except Wednesday. Two of my teachers are 'laptops down' kind of people so I have to print out lecture notes and readings every week now which is beyond annoying. And there's other stuff going on that is making me miserable but it will probably not end well for me if I post about it here.
2) I started driving this week! I did one lesson on Thursday and another one on Saturday. I did countless laps around the small circuit and so far I think I'm doing pretty well. I mistook the accelerator for the brake once and nearly hit the curb too many times but it's been going well. I absolutely love driving. It gives me such a high. I'm just worried about getting to the point where I don't have someone next to me watching my mirrors for me and getting ready to slam the breaks or grab the wheel if I make a mistake. So far simply driving at around 15km/hr requires 100% of my attention. I can't imagine having to add checking my mirrors and changing lanes to the mix. But I guess everyone learns eventually.
3) I finally joined a CCA! Well 2 actually. Vid and I joined two groups that help people and that volunteers at places. It's totally up my avenue so I'm excited about that.
4) I had two anxiety attacks this week plus one almost attack. One was before school started on Monday. The almost one was right before my first driving lesson and the latest attack was this morning. I woke up and my dad was leaving for his week long business trip. So I was missing him. And then I was scrolling through the Nepal tag on twitter and catching up with the developments of the rescue mission. I guess that was what really triggered it. It just got me thinking a lot about death and I was worried about my dad. What finally tossed me over the edge was that I walked out of my room to find that my mom had gone to the AGM meeting at church. I probably would have been okay if I had seen her but I didn't and so it was just a combination of my parents and the earthquake in Nepal that made me feel really panicky, scared and alone. I was pacing the length of my house and trying my best to calm down but I couldn't for quite a while because I was breathing too fast. Anyway it took me a while to come down from that and I really wanted to just write and get it off my chest.
I don't know. Ever since my grandpa died, I've become so sensitive to death. Every time I see a death on TV or hear about it on the news or even think about it, everything I felt watching my grandpa's coffin being closed and being rolled into the cremation chamber thing just comes rushing back at me in full force. I don't know if that's normal or whatever but that's what's been triggering a lot of anxiety for me. It happened last week in the middle of the night as well. It was again triggered because I was thinking of his funeral. I really don't know. All I know is that anxiety is really becoming a part of my life and I'm scared about that.
5) On a slightly lighter but still not so light note, Derek Shepard from Grey's Anatomy has just died. I've watched his character develop for 11 seasons. I've watched Derek and Meredith fall in love. Watched them adopt Zola. Watched Meredith give birth, build their house, build a life. I sobbed harder then I've ever sobbed for a TV show. It was awful.
I've probably rambled on enough and it's almost dinner time so I should probably go. Here's to a better week 2.