Eighteen

It's been a while since I've written a personal post like this but yesterday was my birthday and I couldn't think of a better time to post something personal.

So yes, yesterday was my 18th birthday! I couldn't be more excited. Honestly I'm like an 8 year old when it comes to my birthday.

I guess it because all my life, my parents have treated my birthday like it was the biggest deal in the world. I'm not complaining of course. But yes, my dad takes an off day from work every year on the 23rd of December and we will go out to somewhere special and have fun the whole day and eat at my favourite restaurants.

This year, my birthday started at midnight as it always does. Everyone stayed up and my family sang me a happy birthday and then gave me my presents. It was very nice. I got a lot of cool stuff from them.

My dad got me 3 Lush bath bombs and a card saying that my second present was on it's way to Singapore. My mom got me a full makeup set (my first one omg!) and my brother got me an owl backpack.

We went to Food For Thought for breakfast where I had dark chocolate pancakes with mixed berries. The berries were warm haha.

We went home and I watched the final episode of The Newsroom with my dad. Omg I cried. If you haven't seen it yet, the next two GIFs have spoilers so...

We then went to Pasta Brava for dinner. That was awesome.

Tiramisu

Spinach Ravioli

Aglio Olio

Then, I went to No.5 at Emerald Hill with my cousins for my first ever bar drinking session. They wanted to take me out and it was my first time at a bar (obviously) and I had two drinks that they ordered for me because I literally had no idea what on earth I was doing. They ordered some Vodka on rocks with lime thing and another strong drink that I still don't know the name of. 

It was awesome. I had so much fun and by the end of the night, I was quite high. I couldn't really walk straight of stay still. I kept lilting. Everything was just funnier and happier  which was quite interesting. I kept having to pee and every time  I looked at myself at the mirror, I realised that I didn't look like how I usually do. It was weird. 

I got home at like 12.30am and I went to bed at nearly 2am. I had such a great night. I also think I learnt that I don't sleep well with alcohol. I kept waking up. I was up at least 2 or 3 times last night. Once at 5am and I got up and I realised that I was so so hungry. I've never felt like that when I wake up in the middle of the night. It was so weird. I also had a slight headache but thankfully that was all. 

Overall, I had the best birthday. It was so much fun. 

P.S. I apologise if the pictures and GIFs in this post are messy looking. I kept trying and trying to make them seem lovely but it wouldn't work very well. So this is the best I could do. Also it's 2am on Christmas morning but I'm going to set the date as the 24th so I don't have to rewrite the intro and things. 

My Weight, My Business

I wasn't going to post today. I don't have any clever idea for a post. I didn't take any pictures. I'm writing solely because I need to rant.

So let's start by saying this. I'm 151cm (4 feet 11 inches) and I weight 50kg (110 pounds). (oh gosh I can't believe I just told you my weight) I'm within the healthy weight for my height and age and the most important thing, I am happy (for the most part) with how I am.

Last night, someone extremely close to me said, "You've put on weight." I pretty much felt the light go out in my eyes. I could seriously feel my self-confidence plummet. I didn't know what to say. In fact, I didn't say anything. I just looked down until he said, "It must be because of the holidays. I'm sure you'll lose it once school starts." But that was just to cover the fact that he had belatedly realised that he had made a mistake. And this isn't the first time that this has happened. Once he told me that I need to exercise more because my thighs were too big (certainly they aren't too big for me. I don't live to make sure my freaking thighs are the size that you want them to be).

 I'll be lying if I said I wasn't devastated that he looked at me and only saw someone who was fat. I mean, how did he think that saying something like that to me was okay? His words have actually been playing in a constant loop in my head all day and I've been doing things like sucking in and crossing my arms over my stomach today.

Words like that are so powerful. They can (and have) wrecked so many people out there. I don't know why people can't just understand that a person's weight is their own business. That no one has the right, unless specifically asked, to determine what counts as being fat or skinny for another person.

I am happy with my weight. Yes. But just like anyone, I have my insecurities. I wish my tummy was flatter. I wish my arms were skinnier. I wish my boobs were smaller. I'm only human. I wish my metabolism was better but the fact is that I've been varying between 48kg-50kg for years. It's genetic and I guess I could do more about it but the fact is that I don't. And I don't care.

The idea that I'm getting at is that I'm not anorexic. I don't binge. I don't have an eating disorder. I am happy and healthy. How is that not enough? For someone so close to me to almost want me to see something wrong with my body is just...horrifying honestly. Because that's all I see his comments as. A way to get me to see something wrong with my size.

We say that society and the media forces us to constantly find something wrong with ourselves. But when it comes from someone who is supposed to make you feel beautiful and loved, it really hurts. I think coming from a loved one, it just weighs so much more heavily and makes you think and obsess over their comments so much more.

I think to sum up my rant, I would like to tell you to watch what you say to someone. Be it about their weight or various aspects of their body. You really don't know what could be a trigger for someone. You may not feel insecure about your hands but someone else might. It's not up to you to critique and comment on someone's weight and body.

In fact, doing so is like throwing a grenade. You don't know where it's going to land, you don't know how badly people are going to be hurt and you don't know what kind of long term effects and scars you might be leaving. So be sensible. Be respectful and be kind. Don't mindlessly call someone fat or too skinny. Remember that they don't live so that they can be exactly the size you want them to be.

Ten Thousand

Last night, (well really it was midnight so it's counted as today) I hit 10k on my Instagram page. 10 thousand. 10,000. Wow. I was so excited. I was nearly crying. In fact I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't sit still.

I actually had 9998 followers and 12 requests but I was so afraid to accept them because it's been such a long but wonderful journey. It was 1 and a half years of hard work. And finally, I was upon my biggest milestone. My best friend, Uday, had to convince me to accept them before I would do it.

I accepted them and immediately posted my 10K thank you speech. Now even before I hit 10k, I was already having people congratulate me. So I posted my speech and immediately it blew up. People began commenting how happy they were for me and how much I deserved it and there was just so much  support and love for me and it was just unreal. My KIK was also blowing up. I had a million people talking to me all at once. All my friends were gushing about how happy they were for me. It was just so sweet and I was so incredibly touched.

Getting 10k was something I never imagined I could do. When I first started obsessedwithvamps, I had 0 followers. I was posting pictures and getting zero likes (or if I was lucky, maybe 1 or 2). Slowly however, my account grew. I started to learn the in and outs of this wonderful platform. I learnt and am still learning how to edit and what makes a good edit. I made friends and I learnt what it meant to have friends so close to you that they will rally right beside you if anyone tries to be mean to you. I learnt so many wonderful things. I learnt how to stand up for myself. I learnt about being fair.

I made so many amazing friends. From the Petrova Pact to my best friend, Uday who has helped me so much and who has become more then a friend. He has become my 'partner in crime' and my team mate. I couldn't be more grateful to have met such a wonderful and caring person like Uday. (GO TEAM #CADAY)

My Instagram journey has certainly been a very memorable one. And the best part about it is that I worked hard for every single one of my followers. I never had a co-owner or a minion to help me get followers. For me, it wasn't about seeing how fast I can get a lot of followers. For me, it was about the hard work that I put in and about building an account that I could look at and say, "I'm proud of this because I achieved this myself and people appreciate what I do on this account."

One of the best things about this account is of course my wonderful and beautiful followers. When you're on Instagram, you meet so many different types of people. You meet selfish, hateful and jealous people. But more often then not, you meet sweet, kind and loving people. I know that my followers are all amazing and dynamic people. I know this because so many of them take the time out of their day to comment something nice on my pictures. Or to randomly KIK me saying that they love my edits.

You guys make me happy and so in turn, I love making you guys happy. Not just with my edits but also with the little things. You have no idea how much it means to me when a follower comments something on my page and then goes crazy because I replied them. Or when I followed some of you and this was your reaction:

Or when you guys say that I've made your day or that you wait everyday for me to post an edit. It really makes me feel so amazing. Like some of you fangirl over my account and I'm just like. I am not freaking Zoe Sugg or Superwoman. I'm just a regular person who loves to edit. So you guys really just make my day all time and I just want to show you guys that I appreciate every like, every comment, every single follow.

Throughout my time on Instagram, I've kept a folder which contains screenshots of some of the nice things you guys have said to me. I'm posting a few of them not to show off or be proud but mostly to say that I see everything and I appreciate it so so much. Sometimes when I'm down, I go through this folder and I see all these reasons why people think I'm awesome. So even if I'm having the crappiest day, you guys always know how to brighten it up and I'm so thankful.

If You Could Only Have One Beverage and One Food For The Rest Of Your Life, What Would It Be?

Hello readers. I feel bad for being glad that today's topic is ridiculously short. Also I can't spell ridiculously. Ha. Okay.

So today the question is, if I could only have one food and drink for the rest of my life, what would they be. So I'm going to assume that this question is also implying that a balanced diet, health problems and obesity do not exist.

If I could only have one drink for the rest of my life without getting fat and diabetic, I would have a Starbucks Chocolate Chip Cream Frapp. If you've been following my blog, you would know that this drink is on my list of things that make me happy. I would love to have this for the rest of my life though realistically, I would be broke, fat, diabetic and horribly sick of the drink in about 2 weeks I think.

If I could only have one food for the rest of my life, I think it would be my mom's special dry chicken curry. I honestly think my mom cooks the best chicken curry ever. However the problem is that I would also need rice and I don't know if that counts as a separate type of food in this case. I'm just going to assume that it does not.

Emotions

Have you ever considered your emotions when it comes to dying. Like do you want to die happy, angry, sad? I mean what's the point of living a happy life if your last emotion is anger or sadness? If you get angry and have a heart attack. That's the saddest thing. The last thing you felt was not joy or love but anger.

 I don't know why but that came to my mind today when I was just talking to myself and letting my mind wander. 

The 5 Little Things That Make Me Happy

Recently I discovered a couple of simple things that actually make me happy. I guess they were there always but I only just acknowledged them.

1) Eating Whipped Cream 

I am in love with whipped cream. I know it's super fattening and unhealthy but I love it. I think a little whipped cream treat once in a while isn't the worst thing in the world. I love licking the whipped cream with chocolate sauce off the top of my chocolate drinks. I don't know. It just makes me happy. Maybe it's the sugar.

2) Starbucks

I am in love with the Chocolate Chip Cream Frapps (with whipped cream of course). I guess it is again the sugar but I do feel great after having one. Recently, I told my dad that Starbucks makes me happy and he took my Starbucks card and topped it up for me. I was so touched. Yes yes. I know. I'm not a brat. I'm just blessed to have loving parents. Anyway, I don't live that close to a Starbucks so it's a treat I allow myself only once in a while.

3) Waking Up

Let me clarify. Sometimes, especially on days when I have nothing to do, I like to wake up at like 5.30am or something and just hang out with my family. My dad and brother would be getting ready to leave for work and school and I would just be walking around the house with them as they got ready and I would talk to them. My mom would usually be up too and  she will make breakfast for me. I then like to just watch TV. I never watch TV anymore. I watch a lot of TV on my laptop but I rarely sit in front of the TV. So I'll just watch cartoons or anything that's on really in my pyjamas and sometimes I fall asleep again. It's just really nice.

4) That Moment Before You Fall Asleep

My favourite time of the day is when I shut down all my gadgets for the day and I just curl up in bed and wait for sleep to take me. Usually to fall asleep, I'll tell myself a story. This is highly personal but I usually imagine my perfect life with the people that will hopefully one day be in my life. That is my absolute favourite thing to do. When I'm cosy and warm and just being my perfect future self.

5) The Rain

I really love the rain. It's my favourite weather ever. The best is night/early morning rain. I love cold weather so much and I love it when the sky is dark and its so windy that the trees are moving. I love being able to sit in my room with a sweater on. It's so cosy and nice. Sweater weather is just perfect always.

How Poly Saved Me

Ever since last Friday, I've been constantly thinking about how amazing my Poly life has been and how much it has changed me.

For the last 11 years, I was always the weird kid that sat by herself and had basically next to no friends. I had one or two but usually they were not very nice to me and they often walked all over me. In fact, for two years, I skipped recess everyday because I couldn't face the canteen by myself. I would sit in my empty classroom , starving, and I would read or write in my diary.

I was bullied for a very long time as well. It started all the way in kindergarten in fact. I don't know which years were the worst in my life actually. Was in in primary 1 when I was threatened to give money to a girl who claimed to be my friend but would still bully me mercilessly? Was it in primary 2 when the same girl and another who was in primary 1 opened the school bus windows and screamed out that I was a camel all while I sat right there in tears? Might I add that as this girl was screaming that I was a camel out the window, she was also whispering in my ear that she was still my friend? Or maybe it was the time when they teamed up to put glue in my hair.

Or maybe it was the time when for no reason except jealousy, I was tormented by a bunch of Indian girls. They said they wanted me dead. They hated me. They would call me names and talk bad about me in Tamil all while I sat there right in front of them, not comprehending anything. All while my 'best friend' (who understood Tamil) would tell me that they were saying nice things to me without standing up for me in the slightest. And why were they jealous? I learned later that it was solely because I excelled in English and Literature and I was constantly being praised for my work.

All that changed when I finally was done with school and I came to Poly. I was blessed with a class of amazing, inclusive people as well as 5 wonderful, amazing, awesome friends who for the first time in my life, understood me.

I thought I was the  only one who read nerdy books and fangirled a whole lot. Turns out that wasn't true. I met two friends who I can talk books with. Just yesterday I sat next to one of my friends and we both had e books open on our laptops and for a few hours, we just sat there in companionable silence, both of us utterly absorbed in our books.

I never thought that I would meet people who cared so much about getting things done well before the deadline and who were punctual and who always brought 100% to our group meetings until I came to Poly. (That behaviour was simply deemed annoying when I was in secondary school). My 5 friends, who are also my group mates, are so on fire and we are always ahead because each of us understands how the other works and we work super well together.

So yes. Basically I've run out of words for now. There was a lot on my mind today and I needed to get it all out. You know that feeling when you say everything and then even if what you've written is incomplete, it's all the words you have and nothing you do can make more words appear? Yeah.

 I'm exhausted from all my projects and I'm stressed about my radio assignments. I don't have anymore words tonight.