Words

 I don't want to hold my words in if I don't have to. Often I make excuses as to why I don't put my thoughts into words. I write full blog posts in my head but I never take them out because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of my words. 

In this day and age, words, even the most carefully crafted ones, can get you into a lot of trouble. Because if you don't agree with the majority, you are labelled. You are judged. People no longer care about your opinion if it is not in sync with the majority. How is that fair? I have opinions. They are  just not what the majority think. But if I write down what I really feel, just like the many people that have gone before me, I will be put down and people will viciously come after me.

How do we expect to grow? How are we expected to understand the views of others if the minority is afraid to write what they really feel? I'm not talking about racism or anything that any moral human being would know as being wrong and unacceptable. I'm talking about controversial issues. Things like LGBT, abortion rights, feminism. 

If people are so quick to violently cut down opinions, soon everyone will become part of the silent bunch. Now that  I've gotten that out and thought about it, I've decided that I don't want to be that person. I want to be able to write what I want in the kindest way possible. I want to be able to write intelligently, my opinions and such. Because if the majority can air their views without getting flack, then so should the minority.

How Poly Saved Me

Ever since last Friday, I've been constantly thinking about how amazing my Poly life has been and how much it has changed me.

For the last 11 years, I was always the weird kid that sat by herself and had basically next to no friends. I had one or two but usually they were not very nice to me and they often walked all over me. In fact, for two years, I skipped recess everyday because I couldn't face the canteen by myself. I would sit in my empty classroom , starving, and I would read or write in my diary.

I was bullied for a very long time as well. It started all the way in kindergarten in fact. I don't know which years were the worst in my life actually. Was in in primary 1 when I was threatened to give money to a girl who claimed to be my friend but would still bully me mercilessly? Was it in primary 2 when the same girl and another who was in primary 1 opened the school bus windows and screamed out that I was a camel all while I sat right there in tears? Might I add that as this girl was screaming that I was a camel out the window, she was also whispering in my ear that she was still my friend? Or maybe it was the time when they teamed up to put glue in my hair.

Or maybe it was the time when for no reason except jealousy, I was tormented by a bunch of Indian girls. They said they wanted me dead. They hated me. They would call me names and talk bad about me in Tamil all while I sat there right in front of them, not comprehending anything. All while my 'best friend' (who understood Tamil) would tell me that they were saying nice things to me without standing up for me in the slightest. And why were they jealous? I learned later that it was solely because I excelled in English and Literature and I was constantly being praised for my work.

All that changed when I finally was done with school and I came to Poly. I was blessed with a class of amazing, inclusive people as well as 5 wonderful, amazing, awesome friends who for the first time in my life, understood me.

I thought I was the  only one who read nerdy books and fangirled a whole lot. Turns out that wasn't true. I met two friends who I can talk books with. Just yesterday I sat next to one of my friends and we both had e books open on our laptops and for a few hours, we just sat there in companionable silence, both of us utterly absorbed in our books.

I never thought that I would meet people who cared so much about getting things done well before the deadline and who were punctual and who always brought 100% to our group meetings until I came to Poly. (That behaviour was simply deemed annoying when I was in secondary school). My 5 friends, who are also my group mates, are so on fire and we are always ahead because each of us understands how the other works and we work super well together.

So yes. Basically I've run out of words for now. There was a lot on my mind today and I needed to get it all out. You know that feeling when you say everything and then even if what you've written is incomplete, it's all the words you have and nothing you do can make more words appear? Yeah.

 I'm exhausted from all my projects and I'm stressed about my radio assignments. I don't have anymore words tonight.