Alone

Yesterday you woke up with an empty heart. You put on your best clothes and did your hair up the best way you knew how. As you critically examined yourself in the mirror, you resigned yourself to the fact that you wouldn't stand out. You weren't pretty. You couldn't do your make up like the rest of them. You would never reach their level. But you tried anyway. You struggled to lift your head. Commanding your reflection in the mirror to be strong, you quickly walked out of the house. Your heart was beating wildly. You could feel every atom in your being contracting. Screaming at you to turn around. But you kept your head up. You kept moving.

Finally there, you sought out the familiar. Only to find that somehow they had all moved on. In the months you spent alone. In the time you spent finding yourself, somehow, everyone had moved on. Without you. All that time you spent refusing to acknowledge it. Well you couldn't hide anymore now could you? Because there they were. Right in front of you. The product of months spent seeking solitude. You weren't one of them anymore. Somehow along the way, you became the outsider. The enemy. How naive could you be? The world will never wait for you to catch up.  What the hell did you do? It was all perfect! Why the hell did you have to screw it up once again?

C.D.

What Would You Like To Change About Yourself?

Hello readers! Today's topic is pretty heavy. I just wrote an entire paragraph and deleted it if you care to know. I'm not all about publishing a perfectly altered post that shows you just how wonderful my life is only. I'll tell you guys if things aren't so right.

So today I felt really terrible. My day was pretty crappy. So at about 12pm, I decided to get iOS 8.2 installed into my phone. Worst decision ever. Long story short, my phone spazzed out and I had to restore the phone to factory settings. By 4pm, I could use my phone again but all my apps had been wiped out and my data as of now has slowly been trickling back in so I'm grateful for that.

I'm most likely going to pick my dad up from the airport tomorrow. He's on a plane from South Africa to Singapore right now and I'm so excited for him to be back. He's been gone 10 days. He's also landing in like 8 hours which means I'm getting up at 4.30am most likely. Jeez. 

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So what would I like to change about myself? Perhaps I would like to care more about how I look. I mean I care that I look presentable and sometimes girly but usually I'm just a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I think I would like to care more about make up, dressing up and all the other frivolous things that every single other girl seems to care about except me.

I would also like to change one aspect of my personality. I'm pretty introverted and I prefer to chill at home then with my friends. I would like to change that. I would like to be more out-going and to like to go out more often. That's not saying that I don't like being an introvert though. Sometimes when I watch vlogs and things like that, I crave friendship. But majority of the time I'm also happy being by myself and not having to worry what everyone else thinks of me. I guess that's the problem. I fear being judged so much that I question everything I do and say and I stop having fun.

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Anyway, short post tonight because I have to be up in less then 6 hours. Hmm...See you on the other side!